You know you've been out of university too long if...
 

  • Your potted plants stay alive.
  • Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
  • You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  • 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
  • You don't volunteer for clinical trials at £20 a jab.
  • You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
  • Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
  • The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
  • You carry an umbrella.
  • Seven day benders are no longer realistic.
  • You don't go to Tesco's with all your friends.
  • You have standing orders and direct debits.
  • The heating works in your house.
  • Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
  • You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
  • You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.
  • Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
  • You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
  • Washing up is not an annual ritual.
  • You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
  • Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
  • You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
  • You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
  • You don't put half finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
  • You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.
  • You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
  • Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
  • You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
  • You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
  • You always know where you are when you wake up.
  • You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
  • A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
  • Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  • You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
  • A £3.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'
  • You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
  • You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
  • You don't have mice living in your kitchen.
  • Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager
  • You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
  • You have hoovered.
  • Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
  • 'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'
  • Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. (????!)
  • You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
  • You can remember what you did three weeks ago.

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